Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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