quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
