What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She bit a glass in half.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
