I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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