he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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