I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
