We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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