Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
