her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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