There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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