Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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