btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
