I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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