I have demons in me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
