she told me i tasted like america
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
