he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
