whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
