I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
