Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
