Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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