if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize