I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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