But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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