i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
