If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
