So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize