her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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