I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Randomize
