You made me cry and you don't even care
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
