She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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