My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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