I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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