I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
