captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
