White coat. Heels.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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