i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
