Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is my gift to your gina
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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