Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
