Your mouth is God's brothel.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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