she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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