i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
