You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
