I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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