I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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