OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
