and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
