chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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