Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
