Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
