Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He kissed a someone with a penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize