just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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