see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
