not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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