Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
