I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
