I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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