why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
