My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
