I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
