the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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