the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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