he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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