woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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