i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found puke in my bra..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Damn victory sex feels great
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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