I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
