just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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