he wants to bone in the snuggie
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
